Today is your birthday...and we miss you here

Today is your birthday, I know. Hardly to erase it. If you are here, you turned 24 this year. I still remember, the last time when everybody was busy chasing dreams and asking what course we shall be taking in Uni, you are the only who confidence in stating “Aku nak amek masscomm kat UiTM, nak jadi pengulas sukan” and we were shocked with that. Because, everybody was busy in stating they will be taking Engineering, Aeronautics, Architectures, Mathematics, and all other professional courses that will make nobody people to be somebody. You were really chasing your dreams.

I still remember when the World Cup 1998 has passed for about a year, when I came to your house, you were watching the recorded of Final Brazil Vs France. You were really keen in football. Among other friends, you are the only one who stays calm and rationale at all stakes. I’m always being the hot tempered, and you are the one who calms everything on me.

You always are the genius among us, you scored straight A’s in UPSR, and we praised you and we lifted you when we heard of your result. We were very proud of you, in the sekolah agama, you had the best result, still among us. You went to the best school in KL, because of your result. In PMR, when among us scored just OK, you still scored the best. You had the straight A’s again, but you feel disappointed because too many of your schoolmates had the same results. We were proud of you again.

Do you want to know something? I’m taking Masscomm now, In UiTM just like you have dreamt and told me earlier. It never crossed my mind to be in here. I know you are smiling up there. Hafidz, passed his degree in Law, Aizat’s in Computer Science, Fauzi in engineering, and the others as well. It is your birthday today, well by informing you these; I hope it makes you smile at least.

Whenever I’m free, I still pass by your old house in front of the hostels, passing by the memory lane that we used to play rounders, football, kejar-kejar, or police and thief. I still live in the old housing areas of us. The same memorial neighbourhood that we had. Long story short, government are demolishing it soon. End of this march, and all of us have to move.

Sometimes, we talked about you. We had few gatherings before, and we had the enjoyment of thinking of the past. Your name always appeared among us, because we shared the same memories. They still remember and miss you. It has been a long years, since 2003 and until now. But for me, it was just like yesterday.

Sometimes, I visited your mom in Putrajaya. Whenever she looked at me, she will say “dah besar dah kamu sekarang” deep in her eyes, I know what she is thinking. She must be thinking if you are here with us, you must be the same person who respect and obey family. The one who is already achieving the dream of what you wanted to be.

Hey, we miss you here. All of us. Allah loves you more…

(Al-Fatihah)

Muhammad Feizal Bin Yahya (25/02/1987 – January 2003)

Kenapa nama saya k.o?

Tulisan ini bukanlah hendak menyatakan sejarah dan juga salasilah yang menyatakan mengapa ramai orang memanggil saya dengan nama tersebut. Dan bukanlah jua jawapan yang akan mendukung mengapa saya selesa dengan nama tersebut. Tapi, jujur bicara. Saya selesa.

Orang akan menerima kita seadanya, biar apapon nama kita, bukanlah nama yang jadi ukuran, tapi personality disebalik nama itu yang dibandingkan.

Mungkin pepatah Melayu ada berkata, “Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, dan manusia mati meninggalkan nama” dan pastinya, belang si Harimau itu juga adalah personaliti si Harimau. Hidup ini luas, dan orang akan menerima kita sebagaimana yang kita bawa diri kita.

Mungkin ramai orang bertanya, kenapa nama saya k.o? dan saya bilang kali menegah jangan tanya kenapa. Tapi kenapa? Sebab, sebelum kalian tahu maksud nama tersebut, kalian akan terus menuduh dengan pelbagai andaian.

Ada yang meruncing mengatakan maksud nama itu adalah si pengalah, ada yang terus dengan rumusan mengatakan oh dia itu pelik orangnya, da nada yang dengan sengaja membentangkan personality seseorang dari pandangan dia. Jadi, dengan persoalan “jangan tanya kenapa” kalian akan terus memberi tuduhan terhadap nama tersebut. Dengan secara tidak langsung, kalian juga akan cuba mengkaji dari mana asal usul nama tersebut. Dan intimnya, kalian akan terus menerawang kedalam personaliti diri saya.

Saya selesa dengan nama tersebut. Ada yang memanggil abang K.O, ada pula memanggil K.O..ada yang tersalah panggil K-on, tak mengapa….saya terima semua, kerana kalian terima saya seadanya. Tapi kalian juga kena ingat, dalam tiap nama diberi. Pasti ada maksudnya 